People Are Strange and Other Musings

I'm going to start with a list today. There are some weird people in the world. Here's my top five for the week of strange things I've overheard.

 

1. "I don't like my child's daycare. They spend way too much time playing outside and my child's clothes get too dirty."

2. "Why are they wasting time repairing sidewalks? No one actually walks anymore except from their house to their car."

3. "I can't believe the prof only gave us three weeks for this assignment. Don't they know we have other classes too?"

4. "I'm so tired. I had a really stressful weekend. We drove to the mountains for a family vacation and got home late."

5. "I want to get up early on Saturday."

 

1. First, I strongly believe that kids are supposed to get dirty. It's in their natural job description. You shouldn't buy designer clothing for kids, that's really just insanity. Second, who on earth ever says that their kids spend too much time outdoors these days? 

 

2. Just because YOU don't walk, doesn't mean that all people choose not to walk. I've seen a lot of foot traffic in our city and some of our sidewalks are in terrible condition. Even if you don't walk, pretty soon you will have to shovel snow off that mess. Wouldn't it be better if it was even?

 

3. The prof actually gave us a bit more than 3 weeks. We are writing a 5 page paper, not even in essay format, and he has provided most of the background research for us. Why can't that be done in three weeks? Additionally, the basics of the assignment were provided right from the beginning of the term. You should have known this was coming at some point.

 

4. Why do you expect sympathy because you chose to spend a weekend in a hotel in the mountains? If you have that much to do when you get home, don't go away spontaneously. This also came from one of those people who often complains about a lack of money and also about never being able to find time to do homework. They have only two classes this term too. I've got 4 classes, plus 3 kids, and had to take a sudden 13 hour drive, each way, to attend a memorial service. You don't know what stress is, lady.

 

5.This was Macboy, and I understand his logic. In some ways, I wish that I could actually do this too. He plans to wake up early on Saturday because everyone else will sleep late and he can enjoy some quiet time at the beginning of his day. It sounds wonderful really, but it doesn't actually happen often. For someone as anti-mornings as I am, it sounds crazy.

 

Enough about that. I suppose I pay attention too much to the people around me. It is frustrating how negative some people can be. It often makes it hard for me to find my positives. But they are there. The last few weeks have been very busy. My mind is full of negativity and so many things I'd love to rant about but I'm not going to reduce myself to that level. Instead, I will highlight the positives of my personal situation and be proud of the good things that came out of this stressful period.

 

I'm up to date on homework and assignments. Some days it feels like all I do is homework, but I do what I need to do to succeed in a way that suits my own expectations. I want to do well and I will do whatever it takes.

 

My kids are doing well in school too. They are such strong readers. Even the oldest, who has his own set of difficulties is blossoming and succeeding this year. He is becoming a fascinating young man and really coming out of his shell. I am confident that he will not lack the self esteem or knowledge to succeed later in life after all that he has overcome.

 

We brought back Wednesday Without Electronics this week. It was the trucker who suggested it, too. Wednesday was a very fun day here. The kids adjusted without any complaints into a quiet and unplugged evening. The three of them played together almost the entire night. Thursday morning was a breeze because everyone was well rested.  Well, except that someone hid the TV remote so that the others couldn't use it and that led to at least an hour of ripping apart the living room trying to find it again. Oops.

 

I met a whole new bunch of in-laws last weekend. Our families are quite spread out and it is difficult to see everyone. Our trip to the coast was nice though. After being together nearly 20 years it seems strange that we haven't met each others families entirely. There are just too many people to see and not enough time to travel there and see them all. I'm pleased that I still feel like a full part of the Truckers family, even when I'm surrounded by people I've never met. It was like I had always known them.

 

I am getting strong enough now to recognize when I'm reaching my extroversion limits. I require certain amounts of time alone to recover/recharge after extended periods of being around people. Particularly these situations where I must be the extroverted self to visit with family members that I've never met. In addition, there was an exceptional amount of time spent in close proximity to the trucker, in the van for so many, many hours of driving. I love him dearly, and our time was very therapeutic, but it definitely left no room to be alone with my thoughts. Early this week, I was able to identify that I was struggling and stopped it before it progressed beyond control. I told the Trucker what I needed and he helped me find some time to myself. I was able to skate through this time, without a crash.

 

I feel strong and in control. I'm feeling quite accomplished also, even though the only accomplishment was catching back up to regular life. Not long ago, it would have likely taken months to get back to where I am right now after just a bit more than a week.

 

I am positive. I am strong. I am focused. I am determined. I am motivated. I am loved.

 

And I am saying those things as much for myself as I am for any who might read this. Take a moment and tell yourself these same things. It will pick you up a little so you can continue to do all those things you have to do. Repeat it as often as necessary. Change the words as you see fit to cover your own needs. Be your own sunshine. It's worth it.

Gotta Get Away

What a FABULOUS weekend!  It was relaxed and unplugged. I shut my cellphone off as soon as we hit our campsite and didn't turn it on again until we were heading home. 

We arrived early Friday afternoon and returned home Monday afternoon. We had everything we needed while we were away, so there were no necessary trips to town or anywhere else for that matter.  Everyone pitched in, there was no complaining about the boys helping with their sister, the only arguments about cleaning up dishes were from my sister saying "No, I can do that, you go sit!"  

There was no hum of a laptop fan. There were no extra voices streaming from a TV. There were no text messages, emails, video games.

We were a family. We were outdoors. We worked together and had a blast.  When the weather was a bit yucky, we did allow the kids to play on DSI's which we had brought for the truck ride out and back. For whatever foolish reason you can find, our board game collection was not in the trailer as usual.  We made small concessions, but still tried to limit the video game time as much as we could.

My kids, rode their bikes, played in the playground, got muddy.  They played outside in the rain, and in the sun. We took a short trip down to the lake and played in the water for a while. There were watergun fights. There were games of horse shoes.  Even bike races, with the adults on the kids bikes.

It was just all relaxed.  There was no schedule to follow, just do what we felt like when the mood struck.

I had brought my e-reader so I would have a selection of books, but when the opportunities to read presented itself I didn't want to. I sat and watched the fire, I looked up at stars, and mostly I watched my children play.  I was thoroughly selfish this weekend. I ate up every moment I could. 

I was not an active participant playing with my kids, leading my daughter through the park or showing my kids new tricks. I did somethings, but mostly I just watched. I let their imaginations run their days. I soaked up every second of it.

There was no "Mom, look at me! Mom, come see this! Mom, check this out!" because I was already watching. They felt my attention in ways that I normally can't give them.  By doing LESS, I showed them MORE.  By stepping back from teaching moments, I was able to learn from them.

We will be returning to our Wednesdays Without Electronics. We all clearly need the detox more often.  Not just the kids, but all of us. 

There were plenty of 'learning moments' for me on this trip, even if it was a short trip.  I need to keep my eyes OPEN. I have got to keep up my fight against distraction. No one can live my life for me. I don't want to miss anymore of it.

WWE - Something A Bit Different

June 15 was not a great success for Turning It Off.  It was not an entire failure, but we could have done better.  I didn't realize the kids were watching TV in their room after school. I wasn't watching the Angel Baby playing her games. I just didn't feel it. But then I was on vacation and didn't feel well, either. Yes, technology is a great babysitter sometimes.  But I tried not to spend much time on the computer, the kids tried not to keep watching show after show and even the trucker didn't really watch anything either.  

We discussed a change to Thursday or Friday.  But after a while, I released everyone from the guilt of using gadgets by reminding them we have just started this adventure, we are bound to make mistakes. You know, life happens. I don't want this to be about being perfect. And I sure don't want it to turn into punishment either. I'm not going to ground my kids (don't tell them this) for blowing off media free day. I'm just trying to provide a better example for them while encouraging them to disconnect too.

In order to keep you in the loop for media free days, I will share something else. I have to share one of my biggest inspirations of late, particularly in having this time OFF and paying attention to my life as it is now.  Hands Free Mama has written so many beautiful posts about living life. She encourages us and ourselves to just live the moments. Not stress for perfection but embrace the little moments. We all have Somedays that are not so great, where we feel like we have messed up or we are just not good enough.  But she reminds us all, by reminding herself and sharing with us along her journey.

So when you finish reading my updates.. (yes, me first....hehehe) Head over there and see if you can make it through a post without tears. Can you read any of her stuff that doesn't hit home in one way or another?  She is not running around telling everyone to turn off gadgets, this is something I have chosen, but she does advocate taking at least 20 minutes everyday to be present with your family.  I always feel so good after reading her writing. I'm sure you will too.

In an effort to be happy, you need to share the happiness. Last night I sent a personal email to Rachel, and told her exactly what I feel when I read her blog. I thanked her for sharing these moments in her life and encouraged her to keep doing what she's doing.  She deserves to know what a great thing she is doing and I wanted to make sure she did!

So, take some time today, whether you read there, or stay here, or don't read anything else at all... 

...take a few minutes to tell someone how special they are to you. 

...take a few minutes to really ask your kids how their day was and LISTEN to the answer. 

...take a few minutes to find pride in yourself for an accomplishment today, no matter how big or small.

...take a few minutes to actually say I love you to your loved ones.

When I think of the great small moments I've been a part of for my family, I can't imagine what life would be like without them.  What I might have missed when I was busy that could not have been replaced. I'm glad to be here. 

Right in the middle of my life.

WWE - Unplugged and Unstoppable

June 8 edition

Tonight, was a bit mixed up. Macboy had invited a friend over and they begged for an exception.  This friend doesn't get over here much and they like to play the old games, like the Sega Genesis and Gamecube (if anyone knows where I can get my hands on Super Smash Bros Melee for Gamecube SUPER cheap... email me!! or facebook or tweet) but I really didn't want to be weak and undermine MYSELF.  

I'm weak. What can I say?

I finally caved in at 4:10 and allowed them until 5 pm to play their game.  You will never guess their reaction!! They played for less than 15 minutes and went outside. Things are not as fun when they are allowed. It was pretty cloudy, I totally expected rain, but it wasn't too cold and the rain stayed away.  Quiet play in the yard quickly turned into a water fight and I had 3 soaked boys in the backyard. One of which wasn't mine so had no dry clothes to change into.  I gave them towels and a 10 minute warning before their friend had to go.  They ran, they dried, they said goodbyes.

Then in the true style of my children, they dropped the wet clothes on the carpet next to the hamper (I reminded them to pick them up) and they ran for the rest of the night in their underwear.  Seriously, the best time to be at home is when you know you don't have to go anywhere at all.  We had tacos for dinner, without Dad who was out running an errand after work.  

Don't tell anyone but I actually got in on the game under the table at supper instead of my usual freaking out.  They have this big oversized ball that I can't make disappear because Art bought it with his own money.  It drives me nuts.  At least a couple times in the last week they have snuck it under one of their chairs and then half way through dinner I discover that they are kicking it between them. The big clue is when the Angel Baby gets that full belly laugh going because it's hit her toes or she's had a good kick back.  Last night, I confiscated the ball and tucked it under my chair. Then I slowly rolled it out (it makes an awesome foot rest) and waited for prime opportunity. The first kick was caught by Macboy sitting at my right. Then he tried to prevent me from kicking it farther and starting something. "The rules apply to you too, MOM."  Smart little bugger.  I finally succeeded in convincing him through sign language to move his stinky feet so I could do something else.  

You should have seen the size of Art's eyes when I kicked the ball straight across.  He didn't know where it came from, somehow oblivious to the quiet but animated conversation between Macboy and I.  He had the look of "do I say something? is that mom?  What do I do?"  So, I jumped in 

"What are you doing!! 

Do you have that ball again?  

Who gave it back to you?!?!"

Well... I could only hold out seconds watching the thoughts flash through his mind before I cracked up. And we ended up playing pass through the rest of dinner.  Well, until Angel Baby finished her dinner and climbed down announcing "YOINK" as she stole the ball from all of us and ran off with it.

Angel Baby doesn't seem to care one way or the other about media free nights.  I think she Loves it.  She monopolizes everyone's attention with her dance moves and giggles. She chases and tickles and bugs everyone.  (it's a new word, bug, and she says it while poking your shoulder. "Bug, bug, bug.")

We even made cookies. My recipe that usually produces at least three dozen only made 2 this time. But we had fun eating the cookie dough... the boys kept 'sneaking' it. They should never turn to a life of crime or become secret agents, they are not good at being sneaky.

The only downside was that the trucker didn't really join us this time. He was on the iPad or laptop much of the evening.  But he DID leave the TV off... so that's something. Maybe next time.

Wednesdays Without Electronics - Our Own WWE

I had no clue how this was going to go. Our first media free night was deemed a success. And not just by me. The family enjoyed it too. Or at least that's what they said and I'm holding them to it.  So far, no one hates me (yet) and we are going to continue it.

Truthfully, we almost forgot about it. Art was the first to realize, so we didn't actually start until 4 pm.  And then I had to go pick up dad from work, so the boys snuck in an extra episode of Phineas and Ferb while I was out. But I'm not holding a grudge. They confessed freely and it was our first attempt. This will get easier.

The very first thing the boys did was head outside. They played until dinner and then finished up homework. It was kid's dish night.  I expected the most resistance to come from the Trucker, but he really didn't seem to mind. We were sitting and visiting in the living room until he couldn't stand the level of laughter from the kitchen any longer. I held my breath and waited for the booming "what are you doing?" to come when he walked in there. Angel Baby was being 'helpful' again and there were a lot of bubbles floating around. 

But it didn't come. 

The next thing I know Dad is laughing saying "how do you like it??" and by the time I got in there, all three kids had bubbles on their heads. Not many dishes were washed. 

Along with homework there was lego and reading involved. Dad didn't have to go to bed too early, so he even helped with our bedtime routine.  He got very involved in tucking everyone in. Some squishing, some tickling and at least one upside down child appeared during the tuck in times.  The Trucker didn't even turn on the TV as per normal when he went to bed.

It was a fantastic, fun, happy and FAST evening. I can't believe how quick it went without TV or video games numbing our brains.  We allowed one radio to play, but even that got shut off early.  Sadly, because of my internet outages, I had to try to get some work done before I went to bed after everyone else was asleep. But it was definitely worth the time unplugged.

Hopefully with a little practise, I will be able to shut everything down for the night. Including the laptop.

Karma Bites You Back, But Only If You Bite First

I've promised a story of our media free day, and you will get that. Just not today.  Today I must speak out about something much more serious.

Karma

Today, I made a formal apology to the rulers of wi-fi.  And I got my service back.  Go Figure.

It is the way of the world. 

A few examples? 

1. Media free day, I pushed to be unplugged and we got completely disconnected. Talk about 'call waiting!"
2. If you complain about the person in front of you in line at the store, at least one cashier will go on break and you WILL end up waiting longer.
3. Compliment your kids responsible behavior behind their backs and they are sure to do something wrong. I praised their ability to get to school on bikes okay, only to catch them crossing the street half way down the block, without even looking!
4. If you demand all markers be put away indefinitely, the toddler will find a different way to draw (like your makeup). Might as well cover the walls with paper!
5. When you intentionally decide to ignore the socks with holes when you put away your hubby's clothes, you will end up getting holes in your own for the next few days.
6. Pay attention, never agree to something because you are embarrassed to admit that you didn't listen to the question. I've gone to some really bad movies because of that mistake.
7. Keep one huge stuffed animal in your home, even if you hate it.  As soon as you get rid of it, another will find it's way in. Or if you must get rid of it, try to plan for the longest break between birthdays or Christmas.
8. If you procrastinate, you will end up with twice as much to do 'later'.

But I do believe you can beat the bad side of karma.  For example, three times in a row, I found money (like a dollar or two) on the ground on the same day I donated a bunch of stuff to goodwill.  If you praise your children IN FRONT OF THEM, they will praise you too.  If you listen to your kids, they will listen to you. If you want everyone to cheer up, you need to smile first.

I'm determined to give Karma a good name.  Who's with me?

Turn it OFF

I mentioned briefly to my family yesterday that I think we need to have a tech free day every week.  One day where there are no video games, computers, TV's, etc.  Their response wasn't entirely oppositional, but there was a long debate about what counts and what doesn't.  

Video games? DS?  What about TV?  What about Movies? What about the iPad?

I even went so far as to declare that if we decide to do this, I will even shut off my laptop and cellphone.

I suggested "Media Free Monday"  or "Turn it off Tuesday"  But the final verdict landed on Wednesday.  This is largely related to my darling trucker who, more so than the rest of us, is not able to go without technology for very long. You see, Wednesday is the one day of the week where he is most likely to work late.  Or, on occasion, he does end up home fairly early but has to be up for a 3 a.m. start the next day.

He's supportive, but largely because he won't really be affected by it if it is Wednesday. If he is only home and awake for an hour or so, he doesn't miss much.  It makes me sad that he's so dependent on devices for entertainment.  But I do know that it's a bad habit. (Ever see that episode of the Berenstain Bears? I feel Momma's pain)

I was irritated by this reaction at first (well I still am kind of, his example to the kids isn't ideal) but I will accept the half support as SUPPORT none-the-less.  He may only give up an hour of TV but he is still willing to give up something.  He didn't argue or tell me it was a dumb idea.  (much like papa bear on the above mentioned episode)

I had a few other issues I was concerned about at the same time, so I didn't really press the issue. I had kind of let it fall to the back of my mind for a while.  Until this afternoon.  These pictures here, were all taken this afternoon.  Not as a long series through the day, either.  I was sitting in my favorite chair, and I looked around the room and this is what was happening.  

Really. Just like that.  You can't see the trucker, but by the time I started to move the pictures on to the computer, he had called me... from the crackberry.  So he was included. I now am complete reassured that implementing a media free day is necessary and justified. 

Don't tell anyone, but really the biggest reason I didn't want Wednesday is because I can't think of a cool name.  Media Free Monday, Tech Free Tuesday, Turn it off Tuesday?  What do I say for Wednesday?

I'd call it Wireless Wednesday but technical brains like my children are quick to point out that we have wireless internet, cordless phones, etc. Very few things in our house are 'wired.'  Thank you Captain Obvious.  They also started saying things like "turn it off Tuesday?  Does that mean no lights? What if the phone rings?"

This is gonna be hard.  Setting out rules and following through. But I think as it goes on it will get easier and we will all be better for it.  And I even have faith in the trucker (I'll deny it if he asks) that if we stick to it, he will be supportive and actually understand the need for it. He will even find it easier than he thinks.

So watch for it. I'll post our 'official rules' once they are all set out.  I will update often about what we did.  (just not ON Wednesday...haha)

I'm seeking feedback from all of you on what to call it. 

Everything is more fun when it has a cool name.  

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Follow up
We found a name and have had some fun. Read the details of our media free time.