The last few weeks have been...wait. I don't know what to call it except "a few weeks." Two weeks ago, we were counting our blessings as we enjoyed games night with some good friends. Relaxing and laughing and playing, so peaceful. We stayed up well past two a.m. and felt wonderful.
Until we woke up Sunday and found that our trailer with two quads on it was gone. A kind neighbor mentioned she noticed them missing at 7 a.m., so we have a narrow time slot of 2:30-7 for the stupid asses to hook up and take our things.
This is stressful. The idiots who take this stuff don't think about anything. Even friends and family aren't here to help as I teach my kids how to handle such a horrible violation of our space. Years of work building their sense of security shot down in just a few hours. It broke my heart when Art woke up Monday morning and panicked because our truck was gone too. Thankfully, I was able to explain that it was MONDAY and Dad had his truck at work.
The nights here have been loud. All of my kids talk more in their sleep when they are upset, so there have been plenty of midnight ramblings. It's hard for the Angel Baby to understand. She keeps asking when Daddy is going to go get the machines and bring them home. My thirteen year old? He's not as emotionally invested in the quads, as he's been losing interest over the last year or so. But he has definitely changed his perspective on trust and faith in humanity.
Twenty four hours altered everything in our world.
I try to focus on thoughts like "It's only stuff" and "thankfully, no one was hurt." But in reality, this is crap. It's just a big old pile of crap. I don't ride the machines, ever, but this was something that we all went out to do as a family. Even invited more family and friends. We made many, many memories with the quads. This was something that the Trucker did to unwind. He'd need a break away from working and family life, and he'd go out with the guys to ride the trails for a day. This was his escape, stolen in a moment.
I have heard every night noise for two weeks. I have heard a million sirens and noticed the police helicopter daily. Two nights ago, I nearly jumped off my bed in the middle of the night because I SWEAR someone coughed right outside my window.
My kids are doing better, but I am not. My small sense of security has been shattered. This is my space, and someone just spit in it. I am grateful for insurance, as it makes this less of a financial loss, but insurance can't fix our minds or our hearts.
Last weekend, however, was completely different.
Out of spite (or grief, or exhaustion) we made absolutely NO plans for the weekend. We wanted to just stay home alone and hide. Until we got a call at 10:30 that our niece was in labor. Poor girl, her friend had taken her to the hospital and then just left her there alone. Her mom couldn't get here to be with her, she no longer lives in the city with us. After a few calls, we figured out where she was and headed out. The Trucker and I met with our other niece at the doors of the hospital and the three of us headed in to support her.
The trucker headed home exhausted around 4:30 in the morning to get some sleep and be with my kids when they woke up. I stayed with my two nieces until the sweet little baby girl was born. We make a good team!
This baby girl came out crying, perfectly healthy and so very sweet. I got to see every moment. It was very strange being at the other end of the delivery room bed!! Sickly fascinating, you don't want to look but then at the same time you simply can't look away.
I felt a lot of emotions that night and it will all come later in a post of it's own. Watching a birth is a life altering event. For me, it was freedom. It was like emerging from the crap of the previous week with a brand new fresh start. Just like that baby girl. For her it was a brand new day, a start to her little life. I can start over too.
I made it home around noon on Sunday. The trucker was a great help and let me sleep a few hours in the afternoon. Even brought me dinner in bed!! Definitely a new experience! I rarely have seen breakfast in bed, except for the occasional Mother's Day, so supper was a very sweet gesture.
Baby girl and her Mommy have had a clean bill of health, both are doing well and are at home. She is having no troubles with nursing so far and is doing well overall.
ME? Not so much. The stress and frustration of the theft, followed by an unexpected all night adventure (no matter how exciting and meaningful for me) has shattered my system. I can not sleep. I can not shut off the world and fall asleep. Last night I was in bed early but still wide awake at 1:30.
I do not feel the edges of depression creeping in though and I am extremely grateful for that. I will start Melatonin tonight and hopefully reclaim my sleep cycle and bring my health back to normal. There has been so much to do, so much to take care of on top of the regular parts of living. But I am okay!
It's just stuff. It's gone and even the police have said that the likelihood of getting back is super small. And of course, if we do get them back, they are likely horribly damaged. This is a terrible situation, but we have each other. We have love, we have life, we have other stuff. This is far from the end of the world.
I know, because I know what 'the end of the world' has felt like. I know darkness and pain. I know tears and anger. And now, I know hope. I know love. I know trust. I know that things are not as bad as they seem and if I ever start to forget...
I know that I just have to visit that little baby girl and remember that I have new beginnings everyday. Beautiful, unexpected blessings are just waiting around the corner. I couldn't find the silver lining in the dark cloud that hit us, so the universe made it obvious. There is always a reason things happen in our lives.
Follow your heart, even when it is hurting,
and you will end up in magical places.
(and ... lock your doors, keep an eye over your yard and your neighbors'', kiss your kids. You never know what will happen in the blink of an eye.)