Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Preparing For A Holiday

This week is crazy, (aren't they all?) getting ready for a break.  Mom is constantly tidying, waiting patiently for us to leave her in her clean home so she can enjoy it actually staying clean for a few days. I think she's got some great plans for this weekend.  Steam cleaning the carpets and the like.  (I wish I could say I was kidding, but that really is the plan). 

I've been busy building lists, planning and plotting, so I have everything we need. I'm a good girl scout. hehehe

I've got food almost completely figured out, listed the things we need for the kids. The portable pharmacy is listed (tylenol, bug spray, benadryl, bandaids) and I have checked what I need to buy vs. what I can bring from home.

I've been working, but not consistently, I just may have a good all-nighter in my future so I don't have to sweat my hours next week. But we'll see. As long as I keep pushing a little at a time, it will all get done.

I am looking forward to the trip. My anniversary falls this weekend and I am spending it with people that I love.  I am out of cell phone range, away from the Wi-Fi addiction, yet I still have my coffee maker so I'm ALL. GOOD.  Normally, we allow the kids to bring their DSi's on a trip like this, but I am strongly thinking we may leave them behind this time. It'll do my boys some good to be completely disconnected for a few days.  Especially since our wireless Wednesdays have fallen to the side this summer.  We have had a lot of rainy days so far, we have not been able to get outside a whole lot.  And of course, this directly translates into Mom-doesn't-really-care-either-way days.  So I let them play, I force occasional breaks but overall they have spent a great deal of time on devices. 

Who am I to judge. I have access to 4 email accounts, twitter and facebook on. my. phone.  I am way too connected.  My only requirement of a cell phone before now, was simply that it would ring.  And now, half of my life runs through my phone. I have time management apps, calendars, notepads, a TON of music.  I joked before about not feeling smarter...but I have come to the conclusion that the phone is always smarter than those of us who keep using the stinkin things.  Every time I find a new app or toy on there, I am hooked. I have yet to find something I hated. 

I've been stressing this week. I haven't posted anything for awhile. I have several half written stories, left unpublished because I just can't get the right message out of my head and onto the screen. Perhaps this weekend will shift my focus.

I have been getting ahead of myself and at the same time falling behind. I have tons to do, and tons I don't want to do. I feel guilty for letting things slide. I think now is a great time for a break. A reminder that what is special to me is not found online.

I'd promise some brilliant posts for when I get back, but I'm just going to be realistic.... that's one more demand I don't want to place on myself right now.  I am looking forward to just being free.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Wherever This Road Takes Me

Sometimes, I suffer from long bouts of depression.  Sometimes, I fly high and quote Homer. (Simpson, sadly. Not the other one.) Most of the time, I float somewhere around the middle. I don't need or want my life to be perfect, there would be no fun or adventure in that. If you knew things would always work according to plans, the planning would get boring.  However, if you could never plan, life would become a nightmare.

I sit bouncing from one extreme to the other. Often. Just trying to enjoy the ride.

When I started blogging, I had no idea where this would take me. I was super paranoid about what 'google learns about me' and afraid of putting out private thoughts and personal feelings.  There is much about me I will never write here. Save for a few tiny glimpses here and there if they fit another story.  

I never jumped in wanting to build a huge blog and make a million dollars. Man, it took months before I let anyone know I was writing it. And it slowly grows. Each new reader makes me feel a little less crazy, even if they are following me just to watch me go crazy!

I would never say no to money, but it is not my top priority. 

I am a fixer, someone who just always wants to help someone else. I avoid conflict as much as I can, partly because I am often emotional and take things too personally.  When I write here, I forget about you readers... I do want to hold your interest, yes, but if I stress over how you might take it or what you might think, I will lose the joy of the writing process.   

I don't expect to please everyone all of the time. I can't. No one can.  And so far, I have seen a steady increase in traffic. I don't need high numbers. I don't need huge recognition.  I won't turn it away of course... but it's not my primary goal.  I'm not trying to sell something. I have no product or hidden agenda here. 

I write because I need to. Because there are many things in my life that need to be put in words. There are so many things I can't say. When I try to say the words out loud, they don't work. Nothing comes out how I really mean it.  But when I write I can say it all, I can read it over and change it if I need to. I can just close my eyes and let things pour out of me. Sometimes, I read before I post and sometimes I just turn on an editor brain and do the spelling and grammar checks, without actually letting the words sink in.

Now and then, I read something I've written and can't believe it came from me. I know that these thoughts exist, but I don't grasp the message. Getting a good kick in the a** from a friend is important. Getting a kick from your OWN words?  How often does that happen?  

I used to dream about studying psychology. Many parts of my personality are a perfect match for that kind of career. Fear has always kept me from pursuing it. I fear my own mind.  There are a lot of dark things hiding there, things I want to forget completely, but also entirely make up who I am today.  I will never follow that dream. Purposely. 

The first post on Wendy Can't Cook was simple. My cooking fails. Which happen a bit too often (did I tell you I blew my oven element half way through cooking dinner last night?)  Then I realized what a lift I was getting from laughing at myself. Taking myself less seriously. A few minutes, a couple times a week, and I was feeling the stress roll off my shoulders. I was starting to look at life with renewed spirit and wide open eyes.  And this gave me courage to keep going. To keep digging. To keep learning.

I'd love to say that I have some grand message to share with the world... but I don't. I'm just trying to learn it all myself. And if you take something away from my rambling that helps you... COOL.  It validates my reason for sharing.

Making my blog public had nothing to do with building a following or making money. It was just freeing to let these thoughts go. If I wrote here and no one ever saw it, it would essentially still be in my head.

So thank you. 

Thank you for being here. 

For helping me learn and grow and let go.  

And thank you for coming back, 

sharing your thoughts 

and sharing my stories.
I make no promises on where this blog will go. But it is more me than many things in my life.  I will keep writing about it all, wherever this road takes me.

I would love for you to come along for the ride.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

One Sided Friendships Sink Eventually

Do you have one of those friends?  You know, the one who expects your phone call. The one who will quickly remind you of all the times they have done something for you?  That one who tells everyone that you never call but in reality they don't even remember your number? 

When do you decide that it's time to let go?  How do you walk away from possibly years of history, laughter and tears that were shared. It's not easy to justifiably walk away, especially if the other person doesn't believe you tried. How do you push your pride out of the way, and walk away? 

Do you worry about the past secrets that were shared coming out?  Do you wonder if all the silly stupid things you have done and forgotten will suddenly be remembered (and shared behind your back)?

Part of my mission to become happier means that I have to examine some of the things that I'm holding on to, and that includes people.  I need to make sure that the main influences in my life are positive ones.  I can honestly say there are not a lot who fall into this dark area of my life.  And those that do exist there, haven't really been "here" for quite some time. I strongly suspect that some will not even notice I have done anything different.

I let go of one friendship a few years back. She had no kids, she didn't understand how I could ever be "that busy."  She had a very negative outlook, from work to men and everything in between. It was hard to talk to her and after a while I was inclined to let the machine get the call. It felt awful.  If I did have an opportunity to squeeze in a word, she may have had a chance to understand what my life was about.

When she told me "where to go" in her frustration one day... I went. 

There is another who seems to believe that I will never understand her. My life and hers are very similar and yet have gone completely different directions. Her new friends and my new friends are nothing alike. She's consistently mad at me, or rude about me. I spent more than enough time trying to figure out what I actually did wrong.

You know what I came up with? Not much.  
A few years back, she told me very bluntly that I am self-destructive. In that moment I was furious! She was supposed to be my support, my sounding-board, why would she say something like that?  Well, because that's what a good friend does. They tell you when you are being stupid. They want you to be better, for you and for them.  I took a hard lesson from that conversation. I learned a lot and changed a lot.  I didn't stay mad over a truth I didn't want to hear, I took it to heart and trusted that she was saying it out of love for our friendship.  This open discussion didn't work both ways for us, as she later rejected a hard truth I told her. She held that truth against me, even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever said out loud in my life.  I'm willing to bet that she completely denies I ever spoke those words.

I think the day she called me self destructive was her version of telling me "where to go." We still talked, but not as often and after a while it slowed even more. Lately, we have not talked at all. I have called, and we can talk like it was just yesterday when we talked last, but I have called less and less over the years. And I can't honestly say the last time she called me. I don't think she has called me for years. But there I was. Sensitive, worrying, over-thinking Wendy. Trying to figure out how to bring her back. 
She needs a good friend now more than ever.
We live two different lives. It hurts to lose such a long standing friendship, but it's time for me to let go. I'm not going to let myself feel guilt for not phoning anymore. I love her to pieces but this is wholly one-sided now and I'm letting go.  
Just because she needs a friend, doesn't mean it has to be me.

Freeing myself from negative relationships will give me room to nurture the good ones. No longer berating myself for hurting someone, even though I don't know when or how or even IF I did; instead, I can focus on gratitude for the good friends in my life.

How can I show my kids how to maintain good friendships when I carry on unhealthy ones myself?  

How do I model self esteem when I allow others to knock me down over and over again for their own personal gain?  

My mom told me the same things I tell my kids, "friends like that are not friends worth having."  Why did I have to wait until 32 to really learn that lesson?

As hard as it may be right now, I am officially freeing myself of the guilt of letting go. I will acknowledge the emails, messages, phone calls that have been put out there and be proud of myself for fighting so long in a losing battle.  In a case like this, I am okay with admitting defeat.  I will tuck away the good memories of years past before bitter feelings take over and wipe away all the fun times that were.

A true friend, a good friend, even an okay friend... will be honest with you. If they are mad, they will tell you why. If they think you need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, they will tell you. They will laugh with you, walk with you, talk with you. They will be there to cry with you too. A good friend will not spend countless hours reminding you of past favors, they will simply let it go. They will know that you are there to help if you are ever needed.

If I am trying to stop being so hard on myself, 
I need to stop letting others be hard on me too.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

What Doesn't Matter, Just Doesn't Matter.

I was working on this post this morning and after re-reading what I had, I realized that many of the things I wanted to say are totally entitled to their own separate entries. Apparently, when I started looking at some of these little things, I realized they are a much bigger part of me than I had hoped.

Everyone has those little things in their life. The small difficulties that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.  We can waste a lot of precious energy holding on to those thoughts. Why?  Why hold on to anything that is not moving you forward in life.  Learning to let go, frees up your mind and your heart to really enjoy the good things in your life.

I am one of those worrying type of people. Always living in the 'what-if' world.  It's not fun. It's exhausting! But my brain just works that way. I don't just have plan B covered, I've got just about every angle covered.  Don't ask my in-laws about how much stuff I have to pack when we go visit for the long weekend!

I think letting go of things is a process we all go through almost daily. We let go of our frustration when someone cuts us off in traffic. We let go when our kids smoosh shiny blue eyeshadow into the carpet. We let go of control as our kids grow.  We let go of bad service, we let go of those hurtful words we sometimes hear. 

Perhaps, Letting Go can become a regular feature. I know that I could use the reminder to stop and think about some of these things.  Writing is very good for me. I'm a black and white kinda girl. Seeing things on paper makes them clear. A computer screen doesn't always count, I can see my words, but I don't always FEEL them the same way.  (this is a big reason why I go through so much paper in my online-remote office-at home job!)

So, in an effort to still produce a relevant post, I have skimmed the fat and have a few smaller examples of things I am letting go of.

Macboy's one sock deal. 
Don't ask me why but since the beginning of summer he will only wear one sock at a time. Yes he does alternate too, he says "Can't have one foot dirty and the other clean."  I'm glad my kids are strange like me. The problem is, he's old enough to get pretty smelly feet. And at least socks help preserve the shoes! 

Angel Baby is no angel
I'm letting go of the daily dose of irony that her middle name is Angel. She is certainly ... something else.  She's a good girl, she is just very busy.  I wouldn't ever call her hyper, she's just very curious. A real self-starter. If she wants to know how something works she just gets in there and figures it out. Yes it means that I replace make up more often and have to clean the blue out of the carpet. It means that I have to scrub marker off the walls often (well, not anymore, since I covered those walls with paper, she hasn't drawn ANYTHING.).  I envy her spirit sometimes. She is determined, confident, curious, brave and unbearably smart.  She is amazing.

Art is messy work.
My little guy is so creative. He loves to make, draw, color, whatever.... His projects create a lot of messes in my house (and other peoples houses, thank you Aunty for allowing some of it to get in your carpets too)   It drives me insane that he leaves markers around where Angel Baby can get them. There are bits of paper, glue sticks, crayons, pencils, and all that goes with it... All over my house. I am letting go of my desire to have everything in it's place. This is not all bad. 
  1. Art reuses everything. He is learning to repurpose things so that he doesn't throw them away.
  2. His skills are constantly improving. Writing, drawing, cutting. The school will thank me.
  3. He at least tries to clean up most of his messes.
  4. I am a crafty momma! I used to hate that Macboy wasn't really into it. Yes, karma is here to bite me in the A**. You get what you wish for.
  5. I have learned from experience the best and most effective ways to clean a LOT of things.

Quitting smoking is a process.
If you smoke when you feel stressed or uncomfortable, but then stress yourself out with guilt because you are still doing it, then you smoke to feel lighter, then guilt, then smoke.... 
I'm working on quitting smoking forever. I will have good days and bad. I will stick to it. I am not letting go of my resolve to completely quit again... I am letting go of the pressure and high standards I've place on myself to do it fast. I'm letting go of the guilt I've added when I fail. And very soon, 

At least this is a start. But I am also letting go of my need to share EVERY thought all at once. I have some great notes now for some great upcoming posts.

What things are you holding on to?  
Is there something in your life you want to just let go of?  

Remember... those pretty buttons up top actually work!  Find a way to follow me and my insanity.  If you have different network that I am not already using.. Send me a message and let me know so I can meet you there. My email is available in my Profile page (over there on the right.. where it says "About Me").

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Wendy Can't Quit Smoking Either

I've been down this road once before. It was hard the first time. Really hard. So why am I back here?  Desperately praying for the strength to just quit smoking

I know what happened, I know why I caved in. Stress and frustration got the better of me.  I lost my strength in all areas of life. But I'm back in control. Back on track. Ready to fight.
I don't smoke in my house.  I can last HOURS without even thinking about it.  But once the thought (craving) pops up, I just can't get rid of it. I feel the muscles in my shoulders and neck tighten. My mouth goes painfully dry. My thoughts start racing.  I just can't slow down until I take the time to go have a cigarette.  

And then... in rolls the guilt. The slamming-into-a-brick-wall GUILT. It doesn't develop slowly, it just HITS. With no remorse.  And every single drag of that cigarette is more. Like having some cartoon character standing in front of me with a white glove, slapping my face, every single time I suck the crap into my lungs.  

Why the guilt?  Why do I get this way? Simple.  I deserve a lot of it. That ten bucks I just wasted on cigarettes?  Could have treated the kids to slurpees or bought groceries. I go through 2 or more packs every week (this is good, it used to be more) so that's 20+ wasted dollars each week. Second week of summer, let's say I've burned up (literally) 50 bucks since school let out.  50 bucks! Do you know how much I could buy with that?  Tons!!!  Do you know how easy it is to entertain my kids with just a few dollars?  I know there are thousands of free ways to do fun stuff around the city, but when you HAVE to do only free stuff because you burnt your 'fun money' it just isn't as fun.

The Trucker's loud horrible morning cough is back. 
And OH DEAR LORD, he's SNORING again. 
My kids are losing their mommy. I am not fun when I'm mid-nic-fit.  I'm back to saying things like "just give me 5 minutes"  or "can you please play over there, I'm smoking here and don't want you to breathe this."  
Each and every drag is a slap with another part of this train of thought. And yet, standing there, outside rain or shine, shivering or dripping wet, I can't just put it down. I can't break free.  
And everytime, I wake up the next day with a scratchy throat, dry mouth and a horrendous ashtray taste in my mouth. 

What is it about nicotine that distorts your brain enough to DO IT AGAIN??

I keep trying though. I will keep pushing until I beat this addiction DOWN. I will wait as long as I possibly can between cigarettes. I will tell myself, "okay, I feel like a smoke now, I'm going to do _____ and then I can go."  This usually delays my smoking by at least a half an hour. Sometimes more.

I keep my Nicorette stash ready and I'm trying to, at the very least, alternate to reduce the number of cigarettes that I'm consuming.  I am bigger than this.  I can do this. I NEED to do this. I was soooo happy smoke-free. Yeah, we still wasted an equivalent amount of money, but we were having fun. Money doesn't buy happiness, but having no money CERTAINLY steals happiness. 

Now, it's not a matter of financial stress, it's the issue of feeling stupid for spending our money this way.  
Time to shift gears here....
The buck stops here. Change your attitude!!

Okay, Miss Wendy, Get your act together.  Stop beating yourself up and JUST DO IT.  It wasn't freaking easy when you did it last time, but YOU DID IT. You ARE strong enough. You have the tools to help if you need them. Next time you go into the store to buy cigarettes, buy a treat for the kids and GO HOME. When you feel like you need to light up, call someone, go for a walk, sit down and play with your kids. 
Don't fall for the "I can just get back to work in 5 minutes, so I'll go quick. Playing with the kids means I'm out for more than 5 minutes." It's not true and you know it.  Even if you only smoke 5 today, that is a half and hour of your day. You CAN stop and play for a half an hour.

Take charge. Take control. You are a born control-freak. (Ask the Trucker!!)  So why, why, WHY, are you letting this addiction control you?

Remember, Wendy, you have done this before. 
You can do this again. And as you tell your very own kids DAILY, 
You have only failed if you quit trying!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Short and Sweet. I Need Sleep

Summer has jumped on my life like the Mud Puddle hiding on the roof in Robert Munsch's stories. As always, I want to have some structure. Some daily game plan that will carry us through without turning our days and nights upside down. I have not yet, ever, figured out how to make my summers semi-predictable. But truthfully, I am okay with that. well, mostly.   The kids work hard for 10 months. They deserve a break.
Last night, we had a magnificent thunderstorm. I could spend hours listening to the thunder rolling... but Art... can NOT.  It's a fear of nature that will pass eventually and until then, I need to be the supportive loving mommy. I need to push him to peak out the window and be amazed by the faraway lines of the lightning in the sky.  I need to show him that thunder is just noise. Like drums in the sky.

As marvelous as that all sounds.... it was nearly 1:30 when I got him to go to sleep last night. Nearly 2:30 when I finally got to bed. And the dear Trucker's alarm started ringing at 3:15. I had to drive him to his truck this morning, or lose my van for the day.  Back home at just past 4:30. 

Thankfully the kids ALL slept late. Even Angel Baby.  But man... my system is messed UP. It's approaching midnight... boys are still awake... and me.  AND I have my full day meeting tomorrow.  I will reinforce a decent bedtime soon, but I can't fight mother nature. The storms will come when they are ready, no matter what time bedtime is. 

JUST. ADD. COFFEE.  (lots!)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Versatile Blogger Award

This lovely award was given to me by Amy from Non-Stop Mom. I have to say thank you for the traffic she has now sent my way, and also for passing this on to me.  I will also say that with her big family and doing it on her own.. she is a constant inspiration to me. Thanks Amy!

I'm wayyyyy late in posting this, but being pretty new in this bloggy world, it took me a while to find 15 to pass it on to. ( the chain letter of the bloggy world, right?)

So the rules of the Versatile Blogger Award are:

*Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.

*Tell us seven things about yourself.

*Award fifteen recently discovered new bloggers.

Seven Things About Me?  Crap... I just posted a bunch of random things here. Probably should have saved that post!

1. I'm not a shopper. Well, not in the spend-all-day shopping for clothes for me kind of way. I hate shoe shopping.  I could, however, spend hours in a Staples or a Chapters store.

2. I'm afraid of animals that are bigger than me.  Like horses. They are just too tall (or I'm too short).

3. I have been sailing on a private boat in the Bahamas.  I would love, love, love to do that again.

4. I love puzzles. I even have one of those old 'Schmuzzle Puzzles' where all the pieces are the same shape. But I don't get to do any of them because of the toddler hands in the house. At one time, we had an extra kitchen table set up in another room that always had a puzzle in progress on it.

5.  I'm a huge fan of Monster Jam.  My first real date with the Trucker was a trip to the Monster Jam show. It was AWESOME.  I have not yet been able to see the outdoor show, but it is high on my list of things to do.

6. I am NOT a gardener. I am the one most likely to let the plants die here. My mom went away for a week once and was terrified that she'd come back to dead flowers because I'd forget to water them. It was a big possibility. Lucky for me, it rained almost the whole week.  hahaha

7. I'm a karaoke fan.  I love to go and sing my heart out. Whether anyone else wants to hear me or not.

And now... to pass it on.  15 is a really big number!  But, I will do my best. I know that I have come across many great reads.  And now, in no particular order...

  1. Wouldn't be a list of mine if it didn't include this one.... You know I love the Hands Free Mama.
  2. And Brittany at Ramblings Of A Diva who encourages me to constantly push my boundaries.  
  3. Magpie Collective A fellow adventurer into the tech-free world and a busy mom. I think we share part of our brain sometimes.
  4. My Tempered Tantrum One of my regular reads, who also happened to get into Blogger Idol 2011. Wishing her some luck in this competition!
  5. Hanging With Dad I find it fascinating to see things through the eyes of the stay at home daddies.
  6. Just A Dizzy Dad Another Dad tale. Or maybe just cuz the picture is so darn cute.
  7. Our Monkey Life A fun loving and thought provoking single mom.
  8. Lessons From The Queen Of Denial A Fellow Canadian I've been following for a little while.
  9. Unconditionally You A mama who speaks her mind
  10. Snarky In The Suburbs. Middle-aged, uncool and not bringing sexy back.
  11. CraftWhack  Always a fun read hiding here.
  12. Dishwater Dreams  She'll make you laugh, make you cry, make you think.
  13. My Squirrel World  Great thoughts and great recipes too!
  14. My Reflection Of Something. A photographers blog.  Great thoughts and photos to reflect on.
  15. The Destiny Manifest  Every day is a new adventure for this Mom too.
Well, there you go. Better late than never right?  I just didn't want to 'pick names from a hat' for this, you know?  So I needed to keep reading before I could post. Take some time, check them out, share the love!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Tackle a Nagging Task

This is one piece of advice that stuck with me from reading The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.  I often avoid it, seems lately I've been avoiding everything. But it does hold true.  Sometimes the one thing that can get you motivated to get more things done is the power you feel when you complete a task that you've been staring at for a long time.

I had Miss Angel Baby's birthday party planned. I had to get my ducks in a row and dusted too in order to pull it off. So, I set off to tidy the boys rooms. Not fun... delegate!  Sent the boys to clean their own rooms. I started to wipe the counter in the bathroom, then lost track of ... everything. Next thing I know I'm folding laundry and my mom is cleaning that bathroom. I had 8, yes EIGHT baskets of clean clothing lying around the house. And an insanely gross amount of clothes that were dirty and waiting to be cleaned. I still can't figure out how in the world there is that much left dirty when I have that many clean baskets. Turns out towels, blankets, sheets, and my own clothes fill that much. 

For some completely unknown reason I decided to hang something in Angel Baby's closet. It has no bar. So I found a shower curtain rod that is adjustable and braced it in the closet. 

Then... I looked DOWN.

In her closet the back wall is open on one side to the space under our stairs. We have those kind of stairs that are not solid, you can access that space through the stairs. (and my kids often do slip through to play underneath.) It was a nightmare. It is definitely a task I have been avoiding.  We store things like suitcases and extra baby gates under there. Among other things.  But it was more of a home to the local spiders and being that it's at our back entrance, it was also full of dust and dirt and sand and grass.

The boys are thrilled that I have cleaned this area up. First because they actually have room to play in there again. And second because I was able to retrieve about 35 Nerf darts that had been lost to the unknown under there.

Angel Baby is thrilled. Now there is only one small box stored in her closet and the clothes are all hanging nicely. She can sneak in and play under the stairs. It's like a newly found treasure for her. A great place to explore. Like Ariel's underwater cavern full of treasures. (She is so in love with The Little Mermaid right now). And yesterday it was also a great place to bring a pillow and blanket for a little rest where no one would bother her.

And I am overly thrilled. 
My little 3 year old is physically going on 5. She is so tall, most of her clothes don't fit. I was getting pretty low and looking forward to her birthday when she gets a new batch of pretty little outfits.  At the bottom of the piles of stuff in her closet was a box that has been there for years. It was passed on from a friend of a friend for my little girl when she was not even a year.  This box is FULL of her size NOW. It was like finding a pot of gold. I swear. With this new found wardrobe and her birthday gifts, we are all set, all over again... at least until the next growth spurt.
There's been this little nagging voice in my head lately, gently (well, most of the time) pushing me to just DO something. Just get it done and the list gets shorter.  But I fight it. I ignore it. I try to distract it.  I pretend it WAS done... at least until I see it again. I don't find the strength to just DO anything. I end up burying myself in a pit of overwhelmed chaos, because it seems like SO. MUCH. WORK. It took just under an hour to get everything OUT from under the stairs. Then vacuum and put things back neatly which was less than 2 hours.  And now the kids have spent about 15 hours playing there. Was it worth it? Hell yeah.

Some days I don't want to make dinner. Some days I don't want to get MYSELF dressed. 
And some days are better. Some days I have a friend come by to visit. Some days I shower and fix my hair and make up just to take the kids to the library.

Some days I finish a dirty, dusty frustrating task.
And I feel empowered to keep going.

What's nagging at you?  
Can you do it? Just start it?