Monday, January 21, 2013

Can I Really Do This?

Okay. Here's the news.

Well, it's not really news yet, but it's the beginning of what I hope will be big news. And in a way, I don't really want to say anything because I don't want to jinx myself, but I just don't want to keep it all in my head either.

Besides, while I'm sitting here waiting for it to become news... I'm going kind of stir-crazy. Compulsively checking my email is not going to make the email come any faster anyway. So I'm writing, because if I write for 20 minutes, that's twenty minutes less email checking.

This is a time where having the email on my phone is kind of a curse. Refresh, refresh, refresh.


To get to the point of this story anyway.....

Last spring/summer, I returned to school to bring up my marks in English 30. I had no real certainty of where my career was headed, but I knew that if something came up that I needed to go back to school for, I had to get that mark up to meet the entrance requirements.

Last week, I sent in the full application to a Bachelor of Arts program. I want to have an English degree. I love writing, I love reading, I love language. I'm not working at all right now, except on my own various hobbies, so it just feels right.

I am a bit concerned because Angel Baby starts kindergarten in the fall. I will be starting school at the same time as she does. It's a bit scary to let her go when I won't be home for the first few days of school. She's very shy and super-attached to Mommy. Of course, we all know how good I am at waiting for things. Chances are if I didn't have a class to go to, I would sit at home all morning and worry.

With the love and support of my Trucker, I have everything in line now to start full time schooling. He's been absolutely amazing lately and has talked me through my doubts and worries. I adore him, and clearly he thinks I'm alright too, or he wouldn't be committing thousands of dollars into education for me. With his encouragement, I actually sent the application.

And now I wait for the email that will tell me I'm in. (see, that's positive thinking right there!) I am feeling great for the first time in years. I have the occasional bad day, but they are so far apart now. I have lost so many pounds, and haven't even had to work hard for it. I have laughed and smiled more in the last few months than I had in the last several years. I have surrounded myself with positive friends and family, who are all supporting this crazy dream of mine.

I have tackled projects in the last year that were just little ideas in my brain before. Quilting was one of those things that I just always wanted to try. So, I did. There are pictures and updates over on my facebook page, so join us there if you haven't already. I'm defeating doubt and fear every day, just by trying all these new things. And each success just brings me higher again.

There it is. My big news, that isn't really news yet. And now that I let my secret out, the news of my acceptance won't sound as big. But it's still BIG news and I will be sure to let you all know as soon as that email comes.

Refresh.... refresh..... refresh.....

Take care, my friends and keep dreaming!

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