Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wendy Can't Cook, But I Sure Can Eat!!

There IS a down side to quitting smoking.  The weight gain!!! Now, it's not the act of not smoking that makes you pile on extra pounds, it's the random snacking you do when you are not paying attention.  When you normally would have spent that twenty minutes bundling up to go freeze outside, you may be nibbling on chips or candies, or whatever else may be handy.

If you remember, not so long ago, it was mentioned that I can't cook but I CAN bake.  Turns out that baking is a bit of a problem.

I have to have a little cookie dough when it's ready.

I have to try a cookie when they are fresh out of the oven.

I have to have a cookie the next morning with my coffee.

I have to have something!
I gave myself grace as the benefits of not smoking were plentiful.  I didn't worry about what I was eating or when.  I gave no consideration to grabbing a donut for myself and the kids when I stopped at Timmies for my coffee.  It was just one donut.  Really.  Or the cake for celebrating small things. And the leftover cake the next day.  They were just (not) tiny pieces....

But now it has been just about 4 months. (WOW, four months!!) It has got to stop!  I am not one to load my coffee with sugar, there are no 'hidden fats' that are tacking on to my backside... they are all obvious.  And I just seem to gravitate towards them.

Part of it is simply convenience.  Prepared snacks are easier than cutting up veggies...  But even easier than that.... is NOT EATING those snacks!!

I'm working on it now.  I will not cut these things out completely, but maybe I can limit it to weekends.  I am not one to give up all at once.  With smoking, I leaned on the nicorette, for this I will start slow.  Add exercise and reduce but not cut out everything.  I will also try to work on drinking more water and actually eating proper meals. I tend to graze all day then eat a big dinner.

It is also kind of sad that the addicted part of my brain is arguing that it is not worth it.  I NEVER had to worry about my weight before. Smoking does affect your metabolism and I started smoking when I was very young.  I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Only once did I have 'diet' and that was after a baby and before my wedding. And if I'd had a bigger budget, I could have bought a new dress fitted to me, instead of getting ME fitted to the DRESS.  I've never been "skinny" but I've never been terribly over either.

Yes, I am still certainly very much a nicotine addict.  I'm sure I will this way be for a very long time. It seems unfair that this has to come out of it.  I know I can lose the weight, I just have to make a few changes.  But when I see those ooey gooey cinnamon rolls in the bakery or the kids ask me to make cookies... it can be really hard.  Like someone with an eating disorder, one who will think about a binge and purge, I will stand there and think 
"If I just started smoking again, I could go back to eating whatever I want..."

Quitting stuff is not very gratifying... but then I'm not completely sure if this is the addiction talking or the "I don't want to exercise" side of me talking.  And of course, there is the depression that likes to come and go... it could be that talking too....

There seem to be only two VISIBLE signs of quitting smoking.  
More money, and more waistline.
(Hmmmm.... money isn't everything.....)

So, Wendy needs to start cooking healthy, stop snacking so much and get moving!  
Let's go!

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