Last week was one of the hardest weeks I've had in ages. I made a decision that scared the crap out of me. I've decided it's time to find a new career path. I've never left a job without having something lined up, with the exception of maternity leave. After my leave ended with Angel Baby, the company I'd worked for had gone bankrupt and I had no job to return to.
This job has been amazing. I've learned so much and loved the challenges. It has given me room to grow, to discover a new industry and the flexibility to do what is most important to me- being a mom first. It was great until it got stressful. Unfortunately, it got complicated too. It got frustrating and stressful, then it got personal. And that was really the end of the line. Once it became personal it was no longer beneficial. I'm hurt and I'm hurting my family.
So, I gave my notice. Then I cried. A lot. Then I got mad. Felt hurt, violated, angry. Then scared. And then.... I left for a holiday.
Facing this kind of view every morning when I woke up? Amazing.
So incredibly beautiful and peaceful. I had no choice but to relax. There was no way that life was going to follow me here.
Much too much to see and do besides think about anything at home.
There is no Yellow Brick Road to travel down and no wizard to grant my wishes for an easy life.
I have to make the choices that will get me where I want to be.
Never bite the hand the hand that feeds you. However, if they don't feed you.... bite hard.
Life is just one big balancing act sometimes. You have to make it work for you. And the strange thing is that it's actually not as hard as we think it is.
Sometimes we just have to try it.
Burn out can leave you hollow and empty. Make the right choices before you end up this way.
Take time to take care of yourself.
Like I did. I didn't have any magical epiphany about what is going to happen next. I have no idea. Just like the mountainside, my life is full of unexplored territory. It's scary and exciting.
Apparently, if I'd stayed home, I would have endured rain and storms every day. We had nothing but blue skies. I guess sometimes it is good to run away. It turns out that even though I thought this trip would give me plenty of time to think things over, it was the act of NOT thinking that brought the greatest clarity.
I'm still sad to leave this job. I will miss the great people I have worked with. But being so isolated hasn't really been a good thing either.
Most importantly, I am now convinced that the Universe really is sending me a message. The time is right for change. My family proved that this weekend. Spending five days away from everything (work, TV, phones, video games, everything) gave us each a new perspective on what family time should be. There was more laughter and hugs and talk this weekend than there has been in ages.
It was fabulous. And I am ready for whatever tomorrow might bring. My life is my own.
And I love it.