Friday, June 10, 2011

Going Shopping.

I've given up.... (well no, not really.) I'm accepting that I look like a dork  in the drawstring or elastic pants I've been living in. I discussed a shopping day with the Trucker. (discussed with trucker, not shopping with trucker..)

I've found I'm in this vicious cycle right now and I want out.  I'm very proud that I quit smoking, but at the same time I hate it. I hate it when I look in the mirror and see exactly what I did to curb the cravings.  I have no decent clothes that fit. For the longest time I have resisted, buying bigger anything is just not okay.  I don't want to accept that I've gained weight, I want to LOSE it.

But you see, what really happens is this...
I get up in the morning and fall into the closest cleanest comfiest pair of pants I own and get moving.  I tell myself that after I get the kids to school, I will get 'cleaned up.'  But I don't.  I come home from the school and get Angel Baby's breakfast looked after, get some work done, make some more coffee.... then the next thing I know it's almost lunch and I'm still in this ugly outfit.
"It's okay" I say, "I'll exercise after lunch then jump in the shower to get cleaned up."  But I don't. I get lunch done, get kids back to school, tidy a bit, do some dishes maybe, work a bit, then it's 3 and I have kids to get home from school and I still haven't changed.

Get everyone home, maybe some snacks, maybe start dinner. Remind myself to get cleaned up before the trucker gets home. But... I don't.  He gets home and I look like hell and I apologize (or swear at him for complaining... he doesn't know what I do in a day!!!).
Then there is dinner, and dishes, and homework and getting kids ready for bed.  

By the end of the day, I simply feel like crap. I haven't really accomplished ANYTHING. I look horrible.  Like a used tissue. (Literally, Angel Baby loves wiping her nose on my clothing instead).  I'm not a nice person to be around because I feel like a mess. And I'll stay feeling like a mess until I clean my act up.

I can't act the part if I don't look the part.  I'll wash my guilty conscience away in a hot shower before bed and SWEAR that I will do it right tomorrow.

But. I Don't.  

I do look through my closet and hate what I see.  I have beautiful clothing... that I can't wear.  I miss it.  I had confidence, comfort, I had Style.  (sigh.... once upon a time.)

So here's my plan. I am going to buy a few pairs of decent jeans that DO fit. Then I will look better, which will make me feel better. I have more energy when I feel better, so I will DO more. More exercise, cleaning, working. It's a fact.  There was a period of a few months where I wore office clothes (my 'good' clothes) everyday. I washed floors in dress pants. I felt FANTASTIC. And I got everything done, every day.  I didn't have the half done to-do list that never ended.

And of course, if I DO more, I will lose more.  In order to pick myself back up so I can lose the weight, I need to buy the 'fat clothes' I've been avoiding.  Make sense?  Well, even if I don't lose the extra pounds, I will look better, and maybe not FEEL so overweight.  It made sense to the Trucker.  I think he's tired of this frumpy wife he's got.  I better morph back into the hot & sexy one he married. And additionally, it just might help destroy these last clingy cravings.  I can't avoid the thought that NOT smoking led to all of this.

Wish me luck!

Do you have a regular "uniform" at home?  What do you wear everyday?  Are you happy with it?


  1. That's such a good idea to dress yourself in nicer clothes every day. It makes such a huge difference in how you feel. I'm gonna start doing that more. And congratulations on not smoking! Yay!

  2. Can I come too, Shopping with you that is. lol

  3. I'm so happy that you quit smoking. Stick with it! And buy the jeans you feel good in. You deserve it and you are absolutely right, you will feel better.

  4. I save an average of $125 to $150 bucks a month by not smoking. I think I have earned a few new pairs of pants.

    I have been quit for 27 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours and 51 mins. LOL... not that I'm counting!

  5. I'm so with you. I don't really buy clothes because "this isn't my body". One thing I do try to do every day is put on makeup..not much, but even a little bit helps me feel better. Oh, and I'm starting to put my boys on the iPad and iPhone so I can do a boot camp DVD...bad mommie or smart mommie? Lol.