I've given up.... (well no, not really.) I'm accepting that I look like a dork in the drawstring or elastic pants I've been living in. I discussed a shopping day with the Trucker. (discussed with trucker, not shopping with trucker..)
I've found I'm in this vicious cycle right now and I want out. I'm very proud that I quit smoking, but at the same time I hate it. I hate it when I look in the mirror and see exactly what I did to curb the cravings. I have no decent clothes that fit. For the longest time I have resisted, buying bigger anything is just not okay. I don't want to accept that I've gained weight, I want to LOSE it.
But you see, what really happens is this...
I get up in the morning and fall into the closest cleanest comfiest pair of pants I own and get moving. I tell myself that after I get the kids to school, I will get 'cleaned up.' But I don't. I come home from the school and get Angel Baby's breakfast looked after, get some work done, make some more coffee.... then the next thing I know it's almost lunch and I'm still in this ugly outfit.
"It's okay" I say, "I'll exercise after lunch then jump in the shower to get cleaned up." But I don't. I get lunch done, get kids back to school, tidy a bit, do some dishes maybe, work a bit, then it's 3 and I have kids to get home from school and I still haven't changed.
Get everyone home, maybe some snacks, maybe start dinner. Remind myself to get cleaned up before the trucker gets home. But... I don't. He gets home and I look like hell and I apologize (or swear at him for complaining... he doesn't know what I do in a day!!!).
Then there is dinner, and dishes, and homework and getting kids ready for bed.
By the end of the day, I simply feel like crap. I haven't really accomplished ANYTHING. I look horrible. Like a used tissue. (Literally, Angel Baby loves wiping her nose on my clothing instead). I'm not a nice person to be around because I feel like a mess. And I'll stay feeling like a mess until I clean my act up.
I can't act the part if I don't look the part. I'll wash my guilty conscience away in a hot shower before bed and SWEAR that I will do it right tomorrow.
But. I Don't.
I do look through my closet and hate what I see. I have beautiful clothing... that I can't wear. I miss it. I had confidence, comfort, I had Style. (sigh.... once upon a time.)
So here's my plan. I am going to buy a few pairs of decent jeans that DO fit. Then I will look better, which will make me feel better. I have more energy when I feel better, so I will DO more. More exercise, cleaning, working. It's a fact. There was a period of a few months where I wore office clothes (my 'good' clothes) everyday. I washed floors in dress pants. I felt FANTASTIC. And I got everything done, every day. I didn't have the half done to-do list that never ended.
And of course, if I DO more, I will lose more. In order to pick myself back up so I can lose the weight, I need to buy the 'fat clothes' I've been avoiding. Make sense? Well, even if I don't lose the extra pounds, I will look better, and maybe not FEEL so overweight. It made sense to the Trucker. I think he's tired of this frumpy wife he's got. I better morph back into the hot & sexy one he married. And additionally, it just might help destroy these last clingy cravings. I can't avoid the thought that NOT smoking led to all of this.
Wish me luck!
Do you have a regular "uniform" at home? What do you wear everyday? Are you happy with it?