Some Beach...

Somewhere... With nowhere to go and you got all day to get there.

I'm due for vacation.  I need a break.  I can't give up everything and go away on my own. My kids are too little for that. I'd also be concerned about the truckers mental health by the time I got back. I know that he has a very inaccurate view of how I spend my time each day, but I still don't want to throw him into my life like that.  It would be sink or swim and I'm not sure who would be standing. (Likely the Angel Baby. She'd kick some ass for sure.)

I find often that there are just too many demands on my time. I think I have established that some of this is my fault as I have failed to create boundaries at home.  I have not treated myself or my time with respect and therefore others don't either.  I will need to let go of something.  

I have considered leaving my job. (which would be INSANE. This is a pretty sweet gig.) But I like the extra money at the end of the month and I like having things to do that do not involve my children.  I also like to make use of my brain so that it doesn't turn to mush from watching too many disney channel shows.

I've thought about giving up or delegating chores and housework, but I am often too exhausted to complete the followup. In the end, it's easier to do it myself.

It's hard to give up control over some things.  Like, YES, it does matter which way you stack the pots in the cupboard.  Now and then, I might not care, but when the pots fall out on to my feet because they are not stacked right... I will care... and chances are whoever put them in there wrong won't be here to hear my swearing.

It's hard for me to let go of folding clothes MY WAY.  You can fit twice as many towels in the cupboard my way.  Your socks should match.  In the dressers, Art's pants fit best folded once, Macboy's in thirds and Trucker's fit best folded in half twice.  I do back down more on kids clothes now, as they just rifle through anyway and by the time they get the next batch of laundry nothing is folded anymore.

It's hard for me to watch you spend an hour doing something that I can do in 15 minutes. It's also hard for me to watch you spend 10 minutes doing something that would take me 1.  

So, since I'm a whackjob and control freak, I can't give up the housework.  I think I have come to the decision that work is the only thing that won't get screwed up if it's not me doing it.  So I've got to plan a vacation.  I can't go anywhere, can't afford it, and can't subject the family to the trucker being 'leader' so I'll be here. And it's highly possible I will end up working harder at home on my week off.  BUT.  I think if I can swing it just right... it might be the best solution.

A week off work. No laptop. No cell phone. No skype. No meetings.  

Can I do it?  Can I unplug for that long?  

Perhaps, I should plan vacation time for when the kids are out of school?  So we can do some super awesome lifelong memory making activities?  Nahhh... I need a break for ME. Not them.  I need to do this before school lets out for summer. I need to plan at least one day with Angel Baby AWAY from the house. (yes, this time, I AM saying I need help...any babysitter volunteers??)

I'm going to have to do some serious planning and plotting. It will be unpaid vacation time, so I have to make sure the budget will still balance out.  And I have to list what I hope to accomplish from the time off.

I want to balance out.. I want to calm down. I want to de-stress. I want to declutter. I want to find my laundry room under that mountain of crap.  I want to find out what I'm actually storing in the space under my stairs.  I want to read a book.  I want to write the first chapter of my book.

But most of all, I want to HALT this rapidly spreading GREY hair before it consumes me. I'm 32.  I should not have more grey than my mother. (yes, I know she dyes her hair, but I've seen her roots.  I DO have more.)

Oh. And hopefully this break will remind me that occasionally, my boss DOES read this and perhaps I should discuss it with him before I announce it to the world. hahaha